Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
