Whod you bang
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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