when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
