I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
