I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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