I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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