So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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