My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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