Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
