What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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