Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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