So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize