My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
