just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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