Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
