Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Houston, we have a blender
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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