I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i think i just lost a toe
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
