I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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