he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
