I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
