I wanna passion pit in your ass
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
