I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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