And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
