Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
