I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
