please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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