Sponge bath it is.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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