How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
