If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
