he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
