if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize