my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
