You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
