His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we should paint friendship bongs
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