this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She bit a glass in half.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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