Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
