So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we should paint friendship bongs
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