Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
