I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
