One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
