Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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