I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
