There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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