I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
