I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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