I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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