Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
