Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
