I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
