the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
