She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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