My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
