Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize