Can i not drive my cunt home
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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