You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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