it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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