you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
