i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
