I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
