so that wasnt chicken after all
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
