I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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