Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
