you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
