i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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